News

These are just some of the headlines that UWBS has made in the last year:

January 12 This year's fund-raiser craft sale proves to be a success. A record $1,387 is raised just on the sales of baskets alone.

March 7 Talks between UWBS and a local chemical company break down, and the future of a jointly-operated cat-farm for the purposes of non-human experimentation and feline taxidermy, remains in limbo.

March 10 UWBS officially welcomes its latest addition to its faculty, Dr. Chesky. A well-known insider in most chemical trade circles, Chesky looks forward to "changing gears" by picking up classes from a recently-departed chair of the Feline Taxidermy Department.

April 30 Air-raid sirens and fire departments from throughout the bi-county area responded to reports of a mile-high flame eminating from the courtyard of the UWBS campus. After it is discovered that it was Dr. Chesky experimenting with a new, instant cat-embalming technique, the alarms are called off and scared citizens begin coming out of their basements.

July 4What is arguably the best fireworks display ever, UWBS is allowed to dispose of over 12 metric tons of old formelahyde in conjuction with the Independance Day festivities. People over 2 miles away complain of 1st-degree burns from staring at the blaze for extended periods of time. The sale of patriotic-themed baskets proves to be a smash hit.

September 12 In the wake of a slight economic downturn, it is announced by the Nobel Committee that the Dark Lord and Beam's joint thesis on post-apocolyptic bartering methods is a nominee for the 2008 Nobel Prize for Economics.

October 23 UWBS announces the departure of one of its most prestigious professors, Dr. Mercutio Valenchy, earlier today. A replacement for Dr. Valenchy is expected to be announced shortly.